English 5599 - Creative Writing For Teachers
The Fifteen-Sentence Portrait
I decided to try to create a portrait in words from pages 133-34 in the text. I became so engrossed in the process that I forgot I was doing it for the class. The subject of my poem is a friend who has few if any qualities that I admire. Why is he a friend? That is not an easy question to answer. Maybe it is because he has always been there for me when I have needed a friend. The poem that comes out of this exercise reflects my frustration (and pity for him) in knowing the hatred he harbors in his heart against other human beings.
I think the poem works better in verse than in prose, so once I completed the initial exercise, I broke the rules and converted the form. After that, I felt I could change some of the words and make them more vivid. I wanted to be able to convey sights, sounds and smells.
The following is a draft. I welcome suggestions on how I can improve it. Questions to guide the exploration might be, "How is it that sentences that don't necessarily mesh flow so nicely? Is stream of consciousness in some ways more fluid?"
White Smoke
He brandishes white,
no other color.
The small of his back
hides polished nickel.
His gaze narrow,
a one-way street.
A heated sword
upon the Muslim,
a fuming manifesto
against the Party,
a rope and burning cross
to that other race,
a god to himself.
He shaves his head.
His hat parades
a Dixie flag.
O, strip off that procession of hate
and put down that gun.
Disarm, defuse.
His dog is uneasy
when he approaches.
The fear he summons
flows from his own fear.
But he persists,
like noxious gas,
whirls.
A white odor
lingers in his wake,
presence like burning sulfur.
I choke.
The only color he knows is
white.